Friday, June 8, 2012


I found myself wide awake while the rest of my family slept and the house was eerily silent.  My mind and heart were simply too full, too busy, too restless.  Sleep simply would not come.  So, I got out of bed and made my way to the living room.  I wrapped up in a soft blanket and began to think and pray.  I was once again struggling to find my way through the fog of grief. 

A friend from my elementary school days recently lost her father unexpectedly in a car accident in our hometown.  Immediately, my heart was heavy and I began to pray for her and her "carry that burden" as found in Galatians.  The loss of a loved one is too heavy a burden to carry alone.  So, I find myself in that familiar place again...heartbroken for a friend and grieving my parents deaths once again.  I miss them.

So, as I sat on the couch praying and thinking...I heard the sound of pudgy little feet coming down the hall.  My little boy, Matthew, was awake.  He needed to go potty and was afraid to go into the dark bathroom without a "growned up" person.  So, we made the trip together and then shuffled back to his bed.  He asked me to snuggle with him until he fell asleep.  I simply couldn't resist that sweet invitation.  As we lay together in the dark, God used my little boy to minister to me.  Matthew said, "Mom, did you know that God was with me when I was borned a long time ago?  He was there in the beginning and He was like the wind.  Did you know that, Mom?"  I reassured Matthew that God had always been with him and that He always would be.  Matthew grinned.  Then he said, "Mom, Poppy whispered in my ear that He loved me and I was special."  I told him that his Poppy (my dad) loved him so very much and Matthew was very special to Poppy and to Jesus, too.  Matthew smiled a crooked little knowing grin and said, "Mom, I already knowed that." 

I replied, "I am so glad that you did already know that, Matthew.  Thanks for reminding me."
I needed to remember that God loves me, He is with me, this grief and sadness are not more than I can bear with his help, and how blessed I was to have such amazing parents.  I don't travel this road alone...God is near.

    If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there;
if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath.  
Psalm 34:18

1 comment:

Rick and Beth said...

Love that, Christina. Love you, too!