Monday, November 15, 2010

My Lukey Boy


Our second born son, Luke(4), is quite an amazing little boy.  He is full of silliness, lots of "tricks" and jokes, big warm hugs, smooches for his Momma, questions, a tender heart and an occasional bit of wisdom.  Now that Luke's older brother is away enjoying first grade for a full day, Luke is the "big man on campus" during much of the day at our home.  His mornings are spent playing with his little brothers, reading books with Mom, and entertaining all of us.  While the littlest brothers are napping, Luke and I are working on some school skills.  He loves it and I think I am enjoying it even more.  The learning is fun - he is a bright little guy and it's fun to watch him discover new things.  But, our conversations are what I treasure most about our time together.  I am doing my best to remember them, write them on my heart...I don't want to forget his precious heart and his innocence.  Here are a few recent conversations:

Having measured himself on our family's growth chart earlier in the day, Luke had some questions about growing up.

Luke: Mommy, when I grow up, I am going to shrink back down to be a boy.
Me:  Luke, that sounds like fun.  But, God made our bodies to grow up just one time.  When you are a big man like Daddy, you will stay a big man.  You only get one chance to be a little boy - that is why Daddy and I try to make it so much fun for you.
Luke:  But, I don't want to grow up.
Me:  Why not, honey?
Luke:  Because grown ups drink coffee and I don't like coffee.

The conversation from today was heart-breaking and a precious gift all wrapped in one package:

Luke: Mommy, how did Gran get to Heaven with Jesus?
Me: (pausing to pray that God would give me words)  Well, Luke, Jesus came to carry her to Heaven.  He didn't want her to be afraid, so He came to get her because He knows the way to Heaven and Gran had never been there before.
Luke:  (smiles sweetly)  That's nice.  Can we go pick her up for Thanksgiving?
Me: (fighting back tears)  Oh, Luke, that is such a nice idea.  I really wish we could do would be so fun to spend time with Gran.  But, Heaven is the kind of place you never want to leave.  It's so wonderful and Gran is so happy there.
Luke: Oh, okay.

I am so thankful for this little boy who challenges me as a mother and loves me with a God-sized love.  What  a gift to be his Mommy.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Late Night Gifts

I don't have the emotional fortitude or the energy to blog these days.  I am finding the loss of my mom to be the most brutal experience...yet, there has been such great beauty in this difficult journey.  God has revealed Himself in such powerful and unmistakable ways that it has lightened the load of my heavy heart.  So thankful to serve a God who is compassionate and kind.  I know that I need to blog about the journey, for my own record and for God's glory.  I don't want to forget a single act of His goodness.  Tonight, I was reminded of this truth.

A few weeks ago, two to be exact, Caleb was having some trouble breathing...his asthma had reared it's ugly head.  After a long evening/night in the Emergency Room, he was admitted to the hospital.  We would spend our weekend there - receiving breathing treatments around the clock and spending lots of quality time together snuggling and reading books.  Hospital stays are torture for a little boy who is accustomed to a pretty regular routine...everything is different.  Late Saturday night, as I was drifting off to sleep (I was provided a hospital bed & Caleb had a very institutional looking crib), I heard Caleb's voice say, "Hello."  It was as if he had answered the phone.  I listened closely...and heard him say, "I'm fine."  ....followed by a long pause.....then, he said, "I love you too, Gran.".....long pause......"goodbye."   I was in that in-between state, not fully asleep but not fully awake.  I initially thought he had the cell phone and was pretending to speak to my mom.  So, I got up to check things out.  He didn't have the phone, it was plugged into the outlet near my bed.  I asked him who had he been talking to, he replied very matter-of-factly "my Gran."  I don't know what to make of this...I am honestly not a person who is looking for "signs" from my mom...I know she is in Heaven and is fully surrounded by the Glory of God.  I just don't know what to think of this.  I finally decided to accept this "gift" spoken from my sweet little boy into the darkness of a hospital room as just that - a late-night gift from my Heavenly Father.

Fast forward to tonight, nearly 2 weeks later.  Caleb woke up coughing and need of his mommy's comfort.  I picked him up from his crib and we settled into the comfy rocking chair in the nursery.  He began to talk ...this is roughly how the conversation went:

Me:  I am sorry you woke up coughing.  Let's snuggle for a little bit until you feel better, okay?
Caleb:  Okay, Mommy.  I was coughing.
Me:  I know, sweetheart.  But you are okay.  Let's pray that God will help you to feel better. (then I prayed a simple prayer asking for God's comfort and healing for Caleb).
Caleb:  Mom, Jesus loves me.  He will take care of me.  
Me: Cal, you are exactly right.  Jesus does love you so much...He will help you to feel better.
Caleb:  Mom, Jesus made Gran feel better.  Gran is with Jesus.  She is so happy.
Me:  You are right, Cal.  She is so happy with Jesus.

So, yet another "late night gift" sent from God from the lips of my sweet little two-year-old boy.  I am so grateful.

"The Lord gives strength to his people; The Lord blesses his people with peace."
Psalm 29:11